The All Used 2008 Dodge Avenger
I’m currently trying to sell my car. I’m telling you this not so you’d buy it (though you’re certainly welcome to) but because I have gotten a lot of positive feedback on the ad I posted. Since it was an exercise in writing — and Medium seems to encourage such things — I have decided to share it here with you.
Just imagine it, you’re driving down the interstate. The wind is attempting to blow through your hair, but it’s stopped by the electric windows, which have been rolled up at the ease of a button.
Your phone is connected to the amazing stock stereo system through the AUX jack, conveniently located in the front of the radio. The CD player amuses you. Who listens to CD’s anymore? Not you, that’s who.
Your favorite song is playing through the (at least) 4 speakers and you’re singing along. Your foot isn’t even on the gas pedal, not with the mighty power of cruise control.
You lean back in your deep beige cloth seats, even treat yourself to a slightly reclined angle with the electric seat controls. You know who doesn’t have electric seat controls? Your passenger. Suckers.
You admire the way you look driving it in the rear-view mirror. A standard feature, but a feature nonetheless. It even tilts and rotates.
You’re not worried at all about the small paint issue on the passenger door. You know the body shop can repair it and you can afford it, because you got the seller to knock a bit off for the trouble.
This car. This car is definitely the one you will become successful in. Wildly so. This is the last car before you buy your dream car. Enjoy middle class while it lasts, better things are in store for you.
You drive with confidence, knowing the front brakes are new and you can stop anytime. You pass an electric car as they struggle to climb the hill and you laugh. You know those 6 cylinders are pushing you forward towards victory.
Your brow furrows ever so slightly at the sight of a small chip in the windshield. So small, you first mistake it for a bug who got cocky. You wonder, did that just happen, or did that happen when the previous owner was driving behind a lousy gravel truck who didn’t cover his loa? No, that couldn’t have been, it must have happened after you bought it. Really.
You swerve slightly to avoid a small marmont in the highway. You aren’t sure why it’s this far south, but you know he has a good reason to be. Either way, you’re just happy you have two new and two new-ish tires beneath you. It’s like riding on air trapped in rubber.
Could this car be any cooler, you ask yourself aloud, not worried what the world thinks. It could not, you answer. Even the gas tank has a door.
You give the like-new dash a pat. This is more than a car, this is your friend. You decide to name it Pete, but then worry it doesn’t look like a Pete. It’s cool, don’t force the name, let it find you.
You smile, thinking of the great deal you got. And you are proud to be driving it during the pre-classic years. The seller never saw you coming. “Or better offer” indeed.
This may not be the car of your dreams, but it is the car of your reality. Take it home today, so I don’t have to.
This listing was originally posted on Craigslist in a posting that has since expired. RIP.
More of Me
Should you want more of me (weirdo), please visit me at scottzirkel.com
